One of the things that i hate the most about the symptoms of BPD is the over reacting that seems normal that happens. For example, people with BPD often talk about suicide and often have plans. But normally if they are talking about it, they are not doing it. They talk to get attention. In a non BPD person you would call the police, take them to a hospital, evaluate them and be really worried. However after having gone through this so many times, I know that talk is talk when it comes to my daughter. I can tell when she is venting, getting back at someone, or wanting attention. It isn't that the feelings aren't real, they are, but in this instance it isn't going to happen for two reasons. One she has no access to weapons, or pills in my home, and secondly she is mad at someone. There are other times when I take her seriously, but generally if she is thinking real suicidal thoughts, she doesn't talk about it, she just tries.
Recently she was talking about suicide to a friend. One she was mad at. They reported it to the school counselors like they should. The counselor is concerned and calls me. She is understanding. We have talked about this before, however the vice principal who cares only about policy and keeping things easy at school, bawls my daughter out for upsetting the kid (who was upsetting her) and says she is not following her safety plan that allows her in the school, which is that she should talk to an adult and specifically us, or the four designated at the school. She didn't talk to the kid at school, but I do know it gets around. So..... He really upsets her, and she become belligerent. He helped not at all. Then she refused to stay at school or go home or anything she was so upset. Instead of giving her a moment to calm down he has the police take her to the hospital on a medical hold. That means they take her and evaluate her and can keep her for at least 72 hours. We get to the hospital and the social worker who is not informed about bpd, evaluates my daughter. She doesn't call her therapist like I asked, she makes her own decision based on what she hears, Suicide thoughts, and a plan. No she can't carry it out, but she is dangerous, so she has her sent to a inpatient facility. She didn't even listen to me and how I told her this was a bad idea.
So because two people over reacted, and refused to learn about the condition or listen to me, who does know, my daughter is sent to a place. There are two things that are bad about this as well. The first is the therapy you get there doesn't do a thing for my daughter. I know she has been to one of these places twice before. The second thing is that they reinforce her behavior. I need attention, boy I got it and lot of it. I may not like where I am, but I got so much attention. Her therapist wasn't to please and neither was her dad nor I. Especially since we get to pay for it, regardless of wether we had a say in the decision (which we didn't) or not.
This effects my whole family. I have to run clear up to the other part of the state to visit my daughter and the doctor there. Her dad is out of state on a business trip. I have three other kids to help with homework and feed and it is all at the same time. If it was needed I would have her there in an instant. BUT it isn't. It is a waste of time and money. And then I have to start over again and hope they don't reinforce it next time. I realize that they were acting as they would with a regular individual, but my daughter is not the regular Joe. I have explained that to them over and over, and yet they don't listen. I realize they are protecting their butts, but they are also exacerbating a problem that needs to be fixed.
It's funny I am not mad at my daughter. She acted as she normally would in such a situation. I realize it isn't a good way to act, but I also realize that until she learns some different tools, I don't see it changing much. I am upset at people who refuse to listen to me, when I know more than they do in this circumstance. I also know my daughter better than any of them and for her they were over reacting. Problem is - they have the law on their side and I don't. I just have to reap the consequences. Sometimes BPD really stinks that way. Well most ways, but restricted parental rights is a real big issue for me, and it happens a lot with this.
No comments:
Post a Comment