So..... I apologized to Lauren and asked her to come back. I don't really feel I was in the wrong, but after thinking for a long time I came to realize some things.
1. Lauren hasn't been on her meds for a long time, and that means she is in full Borderline mode. That means she can't accept any type of perceived disapproval without taking it way personally.
2. Because she can't handle the idea that someone might disapprove of her she will foist all of her feelings onto you, and make you responsible for them. That way she is the victim of what you do.
3. Simply having to come back and live with us is a big hit to her self esteem. What little she has. It proves to her that she wasn't able to handle it on her own.... and failure is not an option.
4. Put all of these things together and you have a time bomb waiting to go off. Which is exactly what happened.
Although I don't feel like I have been overbearing or judgmental, I can see how she would feel about it. Given that I don't have those problems I can try to be more understanding and more patient in my dealings with her.
Ian and I did sit down with her last night and talk about what our expectations were and what hers were. It is very apparent to me that she is struggling with not liking herself. She was crying a bit, and she hasn't done that in a very long time. She also was expressing how she is never good enough for us.... which we have never said or even tried to convey, but I think that too is one of those things where she puts it on someone else to not have to deal with it herself. Anyway..... We'll see what happens.
Samantha
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