So it's been forever since I wrote. So much has happened, but so much I haven't wanted to write about. Lauren did move out and in with her boyfriend. The first place lasted about 3 days. The landlord was a whacko, and that created a bunch of problems. She and her boyfriend found a new place to live. They lived there for about 2 months. She had quit her job by then because she couldn't get the time off she wanted and her boyfriend wanted her to pick him up all the time from school. In the middle of October she took off for Utah. She had pretty much run through her money..... And it was a lot, and moved into an apartment that a friend had leased through the end of the year, and was not living in. So it was paid. She got a new job and did pretty well for about a month. Then once again she started being flaky, letting too many people live in the apartment, having fights with her boyfriend, not budgeting. Around Christmas her boyfriend broke up with her. This was after she had spent every dime she had on him. He didn't do it in a good way... and she was a mess for Christmas. We went home after Christmas as her brother had to work and couldn't get away. So we spent Christmas day here. Lauren then lost her job as she was depressed and just decided not to go to work.
Suffice it to say that by February she was evicted for not paying rent for two months, Had her phone turned off because she couldn't pay, had debts because she let people live with her who didn't contribute, had gotten tattoos, piercings, abused alcohol and drugs. She moved in with some friend but still had no money for food or gas or anythings else to live on. I don't know quite how she got it, but during this time she did apparently find some way to get cigarettes, and drugs because she continued to use. We knew she was in a bad place, but felt she had to live with her own choices. She had asked if she could come back home, and we agreed on the condition that she met our standards. She refused. After he second drug arrest, and being homeless and hungry she finally agreed to the rules. It is sad because she isn't coming back to get the help she needs, she is coming back because she has no where else to go. I'm not sure she has learned much.
Ian and I went home over President's day and spent a lot of time trying to get things figured out with her. We spent one entire day getting all of her crap, well not all, just the important parts packed up from her apartment. It was such a sty I couldn't believe she would live there, not just messy, but dirty as well. Liquor bottles everywhere. Cigarette buts and ashes everywhere. Dog poop on the floor. Left over food on the cabinets and dishes that hadn't been washed for weeks. I mean disgusting. The owners were pretty upset, and only let us in to get a few things. Most everything was left and they insisted they would have the place cleaned up and renovated. Of course she will be stuck with that bill as well. Ian and I then proceeded to drive home to Colorado arriving very late. We would have brought Lauren with us then, but she had court the next Monday for another drug charge.
I have spent the last week cleaning up a space for her. She had court yesterday. The judge is letting her come back here but only if she is evaluated for rehab. she has 90 days otherwise she has to pay a fine and spend 90 days in jail. My father has tried to help her and yesterday asked if she had learned anything. Her reply was no. He told her that was too bad because the path she was on wold only lead to jail.
Lauren called us last night to tell us she was bringing a boy with her. Ian told her in no uncertain terms no. This morning I got a call from my mother saying that she had come by at 2AM to get the money for gas and head to Colorado. And that she had a boy with her. I don't know at this point if she is coming or not, or if she just took the gas money 120.00 and ran. I want to think she is coming, but I don't know that.
I think what hurts the most is that she is ruining her life. I do want to help her. I do love her, but in the past 6 months she has gone through so much money.... and she has absolutely nothing to show for it. She has embraced everything we have taught her not to do, sleeping with whoever, using alcohol, smoking, using drugs, stealing... etc. It's like she has no morals. It breaks my heart because I know she is not happy. And I know what she is doing is only going to cause her more grief and guilt and shame.
And at the heart of it all is the shame that she can't live with that drives her to do stupid things which cause more shame. I really hope and pray that if she does make it here that she will truly work to get the help she needs to get her life back in a semblance of order. She did well for a bit of time and now she is in the pits again. How I wish I could help her. How I wish she would help herself. She just can't seem to see that her actions cause her to loose her independence,.......no it is us that takes it away....just ask her.
Please keep Lauren in your prayers. Ben, Seth and Chase will need them as well. They find it hard to deal with all the stress she causes. I wish there was a nice fixing solution to all of this. But there isn't.... so we live and do our best.
Samantha
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