On Saturday, the 3rd, we spent the morning packing up boxes and the moving truck to go Utah with a load. Ian left around 2. Then I took Chance and three of his friends to Boondocks for an early birthday party for him. He was so excited to go. I got the all passes and off they went to play. I was maybe there for 45 minutes when I got a phone call from the hospital telling me that Lauren was there in the ER because she had driven her car into a brick wall and was hurt and wanted me there. So Ian is almost to Laramie, Ben is at work, Seth is hiking with friends, I am at a birthday party for the next 2 hours and Lauren wants me at the hospital. I couldn’t go right away. I did get a friend to agree to come be with the boys, but by the time she got to her house, she was up in Loveland, and got down to where we were she wouldn’t have gotten there any earlier than when I was bringing them home anyway. So I stayed till 5:30 and then we drove home. I dropped the kids off and headed up to the hospital.
She looked pretty scraped up. She has a huge bump an cuts on her forehead, and her chin was pretty bruised. She also had cut up her knee pretty badly, but other than that, she really was lucky. She had a friend with her, a boy named Storm, who apparently had worked with her. I talked with the nurse and the doctor for a bit as I was a bit worried about her having a concussion. The doctor told me that the nurses thought she was concussed, but that on further questioning he felt it was all psychological. For example she said she didn’t know where she was or how she got there, but a bystander did bring her into the ER and she had texted almost two minutes before going in that she was there and could her friend come and meet her. So she obviously knew where she was, but the other brought more attention. The boy was eating it up as well. He probably thought I was the worst jerk of a mother. She asked if she looked bad and he responded no, she looked pretty good. I told her of course she looked bad, what did she expect after driving her car into a brick wall? She had a huge goose egg on her head with scrapes and cuts in it, and a huge gash in her knee that needed about 10 stitches.
She told me that he boyfriend and her had broken up. This was odd to me because yesterday he had given her an engagement ring. I feel badly for her, but I am glad he is gone, and I hope he stays away. They really are not good for each other. After cleaning her up they took her to the psych ward and when they came to evaluate her, I told her I was going home. I went to check out the building she apparently ran into, but either it was fine, or I didn’t have the right school. I actually found out later that she ran in to a brick cement solid wall at the local brewery. Then I went home and crashed. I think I handled things pretty well. I did feel like falling apart. I feel so overwhelmed with the move and all, and this on top of it, was sort of like a slap. I’m not sure how to feel. I am sad for her. I wanted to rush to the hospital and see if she was okay. I wanted to not go to the hospital. I wanted to slap her. I wanted her to see her value in life. I wanted this to be a breaking point for her, where she would change her ways. I wanted someone else to deal with it.When I got to the hospital, I wanted to hug her and let her know I loved her. I did tell her I loved her, but other than that, I didn’t show much emotion. In fact I did mostly what her therapist has advised me to do, not give her sympathy or attention for her actions relating to suicide attempts, as it makes them more addictive. They get the attention they crave from it. Inside I wanted to go home and cry, but I held it together.
Once home I contacted her boyfriend. I didn't really care what he had to say, but for the most part I wanted him to agree to not contact her or have anything to do with her anymore. He did agree. I just hope he keeps his word.
Lauren wanted me to try to convince them not to send her to a psych hospital, but I don't have much say in that anymore, and perhaps she needs the time. The hospital let me know that she was being moved the next day to a place in Colorado Springs. She was only there for two days. I had hoped that she was going to come home and make some major changes and try to get her life back together, but apparently I was thinking too positively. She called to let me know that she was being released, and that Storm was coming to get her, and that she was going to stay in his apartment for a bit. I tried to talk to her about not needing a boyfriend or someone else to make her happy, that maybe it was time she looked to herself to find happiness, and she told me she refused to talk about this with me.
She called me later in the week to please come and get her so she could get all of her stuff out of her vehicle, which was totaled. I agreed. I went and got her and we went to find the car, and get her stuff. Then I picked up a prescription for her, took her friend to the eye doctor, and she spent a little time at our house. I tried to talk to her and she yelled at me about not caring and not being at all sympathetic about her attempt. I tried to explain that I was doing what her therapist said we should, and that I also couldn't afford to break down every time something in her life went bad. She has attempted so many times I have lost count. I can't live in a constant emotional upheaval that she seems to need me to have. It isn't that if doesn't effect me. If isn't that I don't care. It's that I can't keep doing it to myself or the rest of my family. They need a mom, not a basket case.
I love her to death. I want the best for her. I so hoped that this would be a turning point for her. A chance for her to see that the path she is going down isn't making her happy, that the men she is attracting are not healthy, that she has so much potential and love from family and God. But, it didn't. She just got angry at her boyfriend, says he was the whole issue and moved on to someone else. Another guy from Utah that she met when she lived there. She is going to continue on the path she is on. I wish she could see how lucky and blessed she is. In all the times she has attempted, God has protected her. He has a purpose for her, and I wish and pray she could find his love and joy. I wish she could find the happiness and peace that he offers and that we offer. I wish she could find the strength to turn her life around before it is too late.
Her forehead
Her knee
Her car
Her car
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