Lauren has said many things before so I am not sure any of this is true of not. However...... In my own defense I would like to say.... Dealing with her on a day to day basis is very difficult. She gets away with more than any of our other kids. We allow her freedoms that our other kids would never dream of having. On top of this she has the least responsibility of anyone in our home, including her 10 year old brother. I run her places, buy her stuff, even when she has overspent her allowance. I try to show her daily how much I love her, and it is never enough. I try to spend 1/2 hour with her, just talking, visiting, doing homework, or whatever, and she claims it is intrusive and that we need less time together. She does not share with us. Yes, we search her room. I have found stolen medications in there. Hoarded medications in there, razor blades in there, pot pipes. So no she doesn't have that privacy. Same with Facebook and e-mail. Both have been used too many times for sexting, creating drama, or suicide threats, or even searching for ways to commit suicide. So no, she has no privacy there. Yes we monitor her phone. Sex has been an issue for her, along with just plain drama, and her phone has been a major instigator of a lot of that. Even though she is not supposed to erase texts - she does often, and yet she still has her phone. It we take it away it is because we are unreasonable.
Power Struggles. Essentially Lauren thinks that in a power struggle the point is to let her have her way. She says she is willing to reach some middle ground. Well it depends on the thing to begin with. If we don't feel firmly about it, she usually gets her way just to avoid a power struggle. The only time there is one, is when we stand our ground. And then we are to meet her half way, which isn't a solution, it is just her always getting her way.
I have three boys. One with ADD and learning disabilities, one with ADD, who is finding his introduction to teenage hood difficult as his parents are constantly trying to put out fires created by his sister, and have little time or patience left over for normal teenage drama, and a younger son with ADHD. I am stretched thin, and when Lauren doesn't get what she wants, right now, this instant, she throws a fit, and throws up the you don't care, or love me card. Then she proceeds to make everyone's life as miserable as possible. My husband is working many hours right now. As this is his first year on the job, he needs to prove his worth, and is often not home to deal with the kids or issues. The few times he does step in is when it is so out of control for me that I can't deal with it. Lauren and his relationship is pretty much in a shambles regardless of his love and care for her. I am stretched to my limit, and am finding it hard to just keep up with the day to day issues myself.
I try to apply what we have talked about, and then I get messages like today that we are stifling her freedoms, and privacy and have no right to information regarding her treatment. I agree she is not in therapy for us, but for her. However that doesn't mean that we don't want to help her. I love my daughter immensely. More than she will ever understand, but she is hurting me more that she knows, and it is taking its effects not only in my mental health but in my physical health as well. I have chronic Kidney Disease and in the last few months my creatinine levels have risen a lot. Stress is not good for my kidneys, but I am at a loss as to how to prevent it given what we are dealing with constantly.
If you want to know the truth. I am at a loss as to what to do next. I think things are going along for a week or so okay and then she drops a bomb like this in my lap. It seems to me that if I suggest some way to help Lauren with her therapy, it makes it an automatic thing NOT to do. If I feel she would benefit from some program or activity, then she definitely WON"T. She says we don't care about her and only try to control her life so ours don't look bad. In response I see a girl who if she doesn't' get what she wants, when she wants, throws tizzy fits, makes everyones life miserable, and has an attitude of it's my way or go to hell. No one else's desires or wants in this life matter except for hers.
While I realize that a lot of this is from years of negative self talking, and from bad thinking patterns that came as a result of certain abusive situations, and I can understand that, it doesn't make the attacks any less hurtful. There is not a day go by that I don't get told she hates me. Not a day that she doesn't yell at me. That she says I am intrusive because I would like to be aware of what is happening in her life. And the worst things she keeps saying is that she needs time away from us to solve her problems and the expects us to find someone to take her. No one on either sides of our family would be willing to take her. They have seen how she acts. Furthermore, I don't see how her being away from family repairs the family situation at all.
Anyway....... I do think I need to know what the appointment is about so I can help her with it during the week. She never gives me details and even if I asked she wouldn't. I'm not asking for a play by play. I am asking for what did you talk about, what kids of solutions did you come up with and how can we implement them.
Most of all I am tired of being the excuse for her miserable life. I am tired of being made to feel like a terrible parent when I am trying to care for her and help her.
Samantha
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