Another Attempt

On Saturday, the 3rd, we spent the morning packing up boxes and the moving truck to go Utah with a load. Ian left around 2.  Then I took Chance and three of his friends to Boondocks for an early birthday party for him.  He was so excited to go.    I got the all passes and off they went to play.  I was maybe there for 45 minutes when I got a phone call from the hospital telling me that Lauren was there in the ER because she had driven her car into a brick wall and was hurt and wanted me there.  So Ian is almost to Laramie, Ben is at work, Seth is hiking with friends, I am at a birthday party for the next  2 hours and Lauren wants me at the hospital.  I couldn’t go right away.  I did get a friend to agree to come be with the boys, but by the time she got to her house, she was up in Loveland, and got down to where we were she wouldn’t have gotten there any earlier than when I was bringing them home anyway.  So I stayed till 5:30 and then we drove home.  I dropped the kids off and headed up to the hospital.

She looked pretty scraped up.  She has a huge bump an cuts on her forehead, and her chin was pretty bruised.  She also had cut up her knee pretty badly, but other than that, she really was lucky.  She had a friend with her, a boy named Storm, who apparently had worked with her.   I talked with  the nurse and the doctor for a bit as I was a bit worried about her having a concussion.  The doctor told me that the nurses thought she was concussed, but that on further questioning he felt it was all psychological.  For example she said she didn’t know where she was or how she got there, but a bystander did bring her into the ER and she had texted almost two minutes before going in that she was there and could her friend come and meet her.    So she obviously knew where she was, but the other brought more attention.  The boy was eating it up as well.  He probably thought I was the worst jerk of a mother.  She asked if she looked bad and he responded no, she looked pretty good.   I told her of course she looked bad, what did she expect after driving her car into a brick wall?  She had a huge goose egg on her head with scrapes and cuts in it, and a huge gash in her knee that needed about 10 stitches.

She told me that he boyfriend and her had broken up.  This was odd to me because yesterday he had given her an engagement ring.  I feel badly for her, but I am glad he is gone, and I hope he stays away.  They really are not good for each other.  After cleaning her up they took her to the psych ward and when they came to evaluate her, I told her I was going home.  I went to check out the building she apparently ran into, but either it was fine, or I didn’t have the right school.  I actually found out later that she ran in to a brick cement solid wall at the local brewery.  Then I went home and crashed.  I think I handled things pretty well.  I did feel like falling apart.  I feel so overwhelmed with the move and all, and this on top of it, was sort of like a slap.  I’m not sure how to feel.  I am sad for her.  I wanted to rush to the hospital and see if she was okay.  I wanted to not go to the hospital.  I wanted to slap her.  I wanted her to see her value in life.  I wanted this to be a breaking point for her, where she would change her ways.  I wanted someone else to deal with it.When I got to the hospital, I wanted to hug her and let her know I loved her.  I did tell her I loved her, but other than that, I didn’t show much emotion. In fact I did mostly what her therapist has advised me to do, not give her sympathy or attention for her actions relating to suicide attempts, as it makes them more addictive.  They get the attention they crave from it.   Inside I wanted to go home and cry, but I held it together.

Once home I contacted her boyfriend.  I didn't really care what he had to say, but for the most part I wanted him to agree to not contact her or have anything to do with her anymore.  He did agree.  I just hope he keeps his word.  

Lauren wanted me to try to convince them not to send her to a psych hospital, but I don't have much say in that anymore, and perhaps she needs the time.  The hospital let me know that she was being moved the next day to a place in Colorado Springs.  She was only there for two days.  I had hoped that she was going to come home and make some major changes and try to get her life back together, but apparently I was thinking too positively.  She called to let me know that she was being released, and that Storm was coming to get her, and that she was going to stay in his apartment for a bit.  I tried to talk to her about not needing a boyfriend or someone else to make her happy, that maybe it was time she looked to herself to find happiness, and she told me she refused to talk about this with me.

She called me later in the week to please come and get her so she could get all of her stuff out of her vehicle, which was totaled.  I agreed.  I went and got her and we went to find the car, and get her stuff. Then I picked up a prescription for her, took her friend to the eye doctor, and she spent a little time at our house.  I tried to talk to her and she yelled at me about not caring and not being at all sympathetic about her attempt.  I tried to explain that I  was doing what her therapist said we should, and that I also couldn't afford to break down every time something in her life went bad.   She has attempted so many times I have lost count.  I can't live in a constant emotional upheaval that she seems to need me to have.  It isn't that if doesn't effect me.  If isn't that I don't care.  It's that I can't keep doing it to myself or the rest of my family.  They need a mom, not a basket case.

I love her to death.  I want the best for her.  I so hoped that this would be a turning point for her.  A chance for her to see that the path she is going down isn't making her happy, that the men she is attracting are not healthy, that she has so much potential and love from family and God.  But, it didn't.   She just got angry at her boyfriend, says he was the whole issue and moved on to someone else. Another guy from Utah that she met when she lived there.  She is going to continue on the path she is on.  I wish she could see how lucky and blessed she is.  In all the times she has attempted, God has protected her.  He has a purpose for her, and I wish and pray she could find his love and joy.  I wish she could find the happiness and peace that he offers and that we offer.  I wish she could find the strength to turn her life around before it is too late.

Her forehead

Her knee

Her car

Her car

Today's thoughts sent to Lauren

Lauren,

 We love you. I know you don't believe that, but we do. You have such talent, such drive. You are such an intelligent person. You have a lot of energy and are outgoing and draw people to you. You have every ability you need to be a successful person in this world. Out of all of our children, you have the most potential to accomplish great things. We have always loved your spunkiness, your independence. We recognize these things in you and I hope you do too.

 However, here comes the part where you will say you will never talk to us again and that we don't love you.We have watched you this past year. You have decided to be an adult, only you haven't. You haven't accepted any of the responsibilities that come with being an adult. You want all the freedom, without the responsibility, and it doesn't and can't work that way. You blew through thousands of dollars, you completely ruined a car that was in great shape. You left bills in the thousands in your wake, plus two arrest records as an adult.  You can blame everyone else, you can blame God, but sooner or later the only person you can blame is yourself, because nothing will change until you take responsibility. You have so much potential and yet you want to wallow in the self pity, telling yourself that your issues make life unbearable. We are sure your issues make life miserable, and are very hard, but you still can change that. All one has to do is read the many books out there to know that you can help yourself. You have quit all efforts to help yourself in that area.

 You do not look well. You look tired and drugged most of the time. Your hair is thinning. Your teeth are yellow and stained. You are beginning to look hard. You are a beautiful girl, but if you continue down the path you are on, you won't be for long.

We are tired of helping you and helping you and seeing you use that help to continue on a path that is not healthy. Everything we have done for you this past year has done nothing but enable you to be irresponsible. We can't feel good about it. It was all given with the best of intentions, but you abused it. We continue to give and you spit it in our faces.

 Therefore... we will not be paying for a wedding at this time.  We cannot do so with good conscience. Neither of you are responsible enough to be married.  Marriage is a life-long commitment that requires putting someone else's needs above your own. Neither of you are marrying for that reason. Your boyfriend has a job, but you don't. You have no place to live, no way of supporting the two of you, and no education. His salary won't cover rent, food, and utilities, and the two of you have yet to show that you can keep money for more than two days. You put your instant wants above what is good. If you want to talk about a wedding when you both have a job and can stick to the job, and have saved up enough to pay for a place, plus the extras, as well as gotten yourself off all of this crap you put in your body, and get some help for you emotions, we will be happy to talk. If you feel you need to go ahead, we can't and won't stop you, but we won't support it by paying for it.

We love you. You are welcome back in our home, however, if you are here you will have to abide by our standards. It is our home. You don't go into someone else's home and tell them how they can live, and you can't do that with us either.  We have standards that are important to our family and our way of life and we are not going to change those. Part of them are related to our belief that work is important, and that if you live in a house you help care for it. If you want to help around the house we would love to have you. We want the best for you, and although you think we don't understand we truly do. As your parents that love you, we refuse to help you down this road any further. We will give you food any time. We will not buy you gas, and we will not give you any money at all. If you ask the answer will be no. We will let you live here. We will pay for treatment, rehab or therapy. Otherwise... you say you want to be an adult, so be one, not just a teenager playing grown-up. Adults provide for themselves. We know this is hard, but you should really take a look at it and truly think about it, because this is true, and this is even said with love.

Love, Mom & Dad

Back to square one.

So two days ago I got a call from Lauren.  She wanted to know if she could come home.  We said yes, but she had to obey the rules.  I also asked her about her job, and she told me she had quit.  Another two week job.   She said she had been having nightmares about brutally murdering the people she talked to that were rude to her, so she had to quit.  She has been kicked out of the homeless shelter because she would not obey the rules.  So Tuesday night she came back home.  We talked for a bit, again she didn't feel it was fair that we wouldn't let her boyfriend sleep with her in our home.   I talked about their wedding in June and tried to convince them one more time that it wasn't really a good idea.  To no avail.  Anyway on Wednesday she got up and took off, then came home, helped me with two boxes, (We are moving) and then had to go see friends.  She didn't get home till past 10 and I went to bed.  On thursday she got up late and I told her she had to help us if she was going to live with us.  She went on with her business and I started packing again.  I kept getting these texts that I couldn't answer immediately as I was busy. This is the conversation.  Mind you she was in the basement and I was on the main floor working.

 Lauren:    I just threw up, I'm going back to bed.  When are we doing pictures? Did you get a response back for the dress? Hello? Answer me please.

Hello!

ANSWER ME!

Hello

Hello

Hello

Hello

Hello

Hello

Hello

Samantha: What?

Lauren: I don't feel good Answer my questions please?

Samantha: I got no response

Lauren: And the other?

Samantha: Ask dad

Lauren: I did. He won't answer me. Hello!

Samantha: He must be in a meeting.

Lauren: I'm sick. Throwing up in the morning for no reason, really bitchy, light headed, constantly exhausted, and sore.

Samantha: Im sorry.

Lauren: Will you make me an appointment?

Samantha: For what?

Lauren: I just told you.

Samantha: Unless your pregnant I don't think there is anything they can do.  What you need to do is eat right, sleep right, stop using things that are bad for your body and exercise. And even if your pregnant there is nothing they can do for you.

Lauren: Wow, thanks. Helpful

Samantha: I'm being honest not mean.

Lauren: Isn't it illegal to deny people health care rights.

Samantha: I'm not denying you anything.  You can go to a doctor if you want.  As a matter of fact you are an adult so you can meet with any doctor.  I'm not prohibiting you, I am just not going to make you an appointment.

Lauren: I don't know who to call. You do. I also have no phone. You do. I also have no way to pay for it.

Samantha: Call the medical center, they have someone there.  I don't have a doctor right now.  Mine quit, and I'm not getting another till I get to Utah.  So whoever they have there should be good.  Your over 18 so the other Dr won't see you.  Look it up.

Lauren: And call on what?

Samantha:  The house phone. We have one.

Lauren: Where?

Samantha:Where it always is.  It seems to me that you want me to take care of you like you are a child, but you don't want to follow any of the child rules.  You can't have it both ways.  You are either an adult or your not.

Lauren: I want you to help me for once, but apparently that's also way beyond your capacity!

Samantha: I help you more than anyone I know, and I get treated worse than any of the others.  When no one else comes to your rescue you always return to us, and expect us to pick up the pieces, and you treat us like crap.  You can't help with chores, you won't help move, you won't talk to us, or even visit, or even respect our rules, but we are supposed to take care of you when your in a bad place.  It is all one sided.  Yes I do know how it feels to be used, because that is what you do with us.

Lauren: Whatever.

Samantha: "I need gas, I need a car, I need a place to stay, I need my bills paid, I need rent money, I need. I need"  Can you help us unpack?...."no I have things to do and places to go and people to see. " It is true.

Lauren: Whatever. Maybe I would treat you like family if you acted like family.

Samantha: We act more like family than anyone else.  You just want us to agree with everything you chose to do and we don't so that makes us bad.  We have taken care of you more than anyone in your entire life.  You just want to make us the bad ones.

Lauren: I'm leaving!

Samantha: that's up to you.

Lauren: I'm not paying rent

Samantha: I'm not mad, I'm just telling it like it us.  Fine, no rent, but that means you have to work for you living, meaning chores.

Lauren: No, I mean I lived in a homeless shelter and I have no money. I will sleep in my car in Boulder.

Samantha: You think you can live anyplace fore free and contribute nothing?

Lauren: I think you all know how broke I am and that YOU specifically are the one who said that I had a place to stay.

Samantha: We have no problem letting you live here, but you do have to help, that is how you pay your rent.  We provide a place to live and food. You help out. But yesterday you couldn't, you had to see friends, today your sick.  It seems like you think you should get to have all the benefits with no effort. That isn't the way life works. Just so we're clear. No one kicked you out. You chose to leave instead of help. Your car can't be comfortable. Is it really too much to have to help around the house?

After this she left.  She didn't come home last night, so I assume she slept in her car.  She has also posted on facebook a couple of hours before she left about how bored she was in our house and that she needed someone to rescue her from us.  So she didn't sound very sick then.  

Anyway..... She is back being homeless, and no job, and on the streets.