Lauren is Home

Lauren came home the end of April. We were so glad to have her back.  She did wonderfully the first week.  Was gung ho, cut off old friends, was just good.  Then things started falling apart again.  She contacted old druggie friends again, started smoking and just generally acting up.  She hasn't been violent this time around though.  So something must be different.  Don't know what, maybe the fact that she is off  recreational drugs for the most part.

Within the first two weeks she had run away twice again.  Police brought her home.  She decided to start again.  Then she fell again, and again, but each time she has started over again.  Or I guess picked herself up and kept trying.  I guess that is good.    It is certainly a change from before when she didn't care who she hurt, herself or anyone else.

I know she is struggling, and I know she is unhappy for the most part, but at  least she is still trying....that is progress.  She also got a job at the Subway near us and is doing an excellent job there.  She likes it and works hard and is responsible there etc.  It has been good for her and good for us.    She still isn't sure what she is going to do about school, or church....... but I am trying to be patient and see success where it is.

This weekend had some revelations for me.  I realized that my husbands reactions toward Lauren are all based on my reactions towards her.  It used to be that he could be calm when I wasn't and vice a versa.  But now if I am upset, he is.    He loves her, but he is trying to protect me more than help her.  I have real mixed feeling about that.  I think his first priority should be helping her, but  then I am also glad that he is so concerned about how it all effects me that his greatest desire is to cause me less harm, emotional of physical.

I also realized (again) that my job is to love.  She has been taught what is right and wrong, and she nows those principals.  She is aware of consequences and the gospel.  It is her job to act.  Lesson after lesson has shown me that the best way to get her back on the right path is to show it to her by example and love her regardless of what she does.  That is really difficult at times.  Not the loving, but to show that love.  Sometimes I just want to throttle her. I guess that is a natural human instinct, but of little use.

In spite of it all I am glad she is here, and I hope she continues trying and makes progress step by step, even if it is a little slower than I would like.  Again please keep all of us and especially her in your prayers.  She needs all the help she can get.  Me too!