Mountains become Mole Hills

The past week has been difficult for Lauren.  It  is amazing what a little thing can build into and how it can spiral out of control.  The real test is to not let it, but Lauren has a real difficult time with that.  Lauren got her feeling hurt, badly over the Easter Holiday.  Instead of trying to put it in perspective and deal with it, she let it eat at her, thinking she would never be good enough.  That led to feelings of worthlessness, which led to victimization, which led to acting in anger which led to doing anything to end the pain, which always get's her in trouble.

The cutting has started again, and pretty severely.  The rejecting of God and into Wicca.  The acting out and taking revenge for perceived wrongs.  We have had family services visit us this past week, dealt with a missing credit card, a job quitting, and some intense issues with her boyfriend and his parents.  Also a return to just not doing chores most of the time.

I know she is stressed.  I wish I could help her to see that she needs to deal with things in a better way.  I know life has taught her to deal with them in this bad way, and her natural reaction is protect herself, even if it isn't really protecting but hurting her.  However, until she realizes that there is a better way to do things, and chooses to do it, she will continue to fall.  I wouldn't even mind her fall if she got back up afterwards and started really trying again, recognizing her old pattern and moving on.

I also plea with those who know her personally to try very hard to be kind.  Knowing that she has this disorder  knowing what her natural reaction will be, knowing  her trials and past, can we not be more loving, forgiving, and understanding.  The family should be the one place we are always accepted.  The one place we are loved in spite of our faults.  Included in spite of our problems.  It is the one place we should find a haven in.    This includes close friends as well.  After all, saying unkind things about someone will never help them to improve.  The only way to change a persons heart is through example and love, like our Savior showed.  He is our example and we should be more like him.

I am hoping that things improve again.  That she picks herself up and dust off and moves on.  I am hoping she can stop the cycle.  Not expecting it, but hoping for it.  Please pray for her.

Happy for Improvement!!!

It has been a while since I last updated.  Things have been going fairly well.  Lauren has made major improvements that have seemed to last for quite some time.  It has been almost a year since we had an out of control episode.  That is a major accomplishment.  It used to be a few weeks if that.  And it has been quite a few months since we have had a major throw it in your face, you can't tell me what to do episode as well.  That is major improvement.  In fact life has been pleasant and although not perfect - never expected that - in a lot of ways she seems no different from other teenagers.  She has her ups and downs, ad she does get upset easier than most.... but her ability to handle situations has improved drastically.  We hope and pray that this means she has learned this skill and is applying it most of the time.

Although I would say she is like one of the extreme rebellious teenagers, I can find others that are considered normal in her sphere which is major improvement.  She has been so much happier, and I have been as well.  The whole family has been.  It is nice to have her accept answers, to ask permission, to calm down when things don't go her way.  To calm down when she over-reacts.  To stop and think.  This is a major accomplishment for her.

As a Mormon I still get discouraged at times when I see some of the choices she is making, things like smoking cigarettes, clothing, not attending church, swearing, etc.  But..... At least her life has a sense of normalcy now.  For the past 5 years it hasn't. She seems to be in a good place emotionally right now anyway.

Lauren has a boyfriend and went on her first real date in March.  She went to Sadies at the school here with her boyfriend.  I was so happy for her.  I was so afraid she would never get that opportunity.  He also asked her to Prom which is next week.  We got her a beautiful dress that she loves and again I am so excited and happy for her.  Those are experiences I never thought she would get to experience, and they mean a lot to a person in retrospect.  Even in forward- spect.

Lauren has a new job and is enjoying it.  She is working at McDonald's.  It isn't very far from our house so that makes it nice.  

I have been so pleased to see her progress, to see her true personality shine through, to see her outgoing self, her loving self, her bright side.  She also finished up her education and got her Diploma a few weeks back.  That is excellent as well.  I was worried about that.

Anyway..... I pray that things continue and that this truly is growth, well it is either way... but I hope it continues for her.  She has been so much happier the past little while.  I like her to be happy.  It makes me happy, just because she it.

Love Samantha