This past week my family and I were able to head home to Utah to visit with family. It was so wonderful for me. I really needed the support and uplift. We got to spend a whole week with both my husband's and my side of the family. It was great.
My daughter had a different experience with it all. She broke up with her boyfriend right before we left. (Can I say Yahoo). So she was a bit down. Once we got there things went okay for a little bit.
My Husband and I had had an appointment with her therapist and psychologist the day we left. Her therapist told us it was time to start applying tough love as Lauren has been really pushing boundaries lately. She said we needed to make it perfectly clear that there are some thing we just refuse to allow in our homes. And that includes things done outside our homes, that still effect us. Things such as breaking the la, total defiance etc. Lauren has been dabbling in drugs, and she has stolen from us. I hope not others. She also has taken the car without permission or a license. Hers was suspended from a drug charge a year ago. Her therapist said we need to make sure that she know the consequences. That if you choose to participate in such things you are not allowed to be here. I find that so hard to do, but she is right, because right now Lauren is walking all over us and threatening us with everything including suicide. It is not good for us, and even more it is not good for her. So my husband and I went home to decide how we wanted to handle that and what we felt it should say and why. We more of less came up with a family proclamation. It states our beliefs, our responsibilities, what we want our home to be like, and what we expect. It also talks about zero tolerance rules, and important rules, and also that there can be changes based on what in working or not working for us. We planned on presenting to the kids, all of them, not just Lauren, while we were in Utah.
Later with the other therapist, we decided after a month of trials that Lauren's depression meds were not working for her. So we took her down to 20 on the prozac and started her on zoloft. I am hoping it really helps.
So After the first day Lauren refuses to go to church with us. This is something that we have said is something we do as a family. When you move out you can decide where to go. We aren't saying you have to believe what we do, but we feel we have an obligation to teach you, and above that you have an obligation to respect our family traditions and attend our of that respect. So we told her it wasn't an option and that she could attend or this was the consequence. She eventually gave in and went. It was like a Yeah we won. But even more it was a hope that maybe this would work. The rest of the day went fine. The next day she and I had a great time. We got our hair done, went to lunch, went shopping, and then on the way home she wanted to hang out with an old friend from there who was into drugs, and I told her no. If he wanted to visit he could come to her grandparents and visit supervised there. She threw a royal fit. She jumped out of the car and refused to get back in and the proceeded to run away. I followed till she went through a field, and then turned off her phone, and proceeded to try to find her. I felt like leaving her, but didn't feel that was a good idea. She finally contacted me, and I picked her up and hour later. She was cold, and sorry.
The rest of the week was pretty unhappy for her. She wrote so really sad blog posts about being at the bottom, and having driven all friends away, and lost everything that is important to her, about being ashamed of her actions and such. I mean really sad, almost suicide like. We kept a watch on her, and she was really pretty down. I had hope that maybe she had reached the bottom and was willing to pull herself up know and start using and applying all of this knowledge she has in her head from therapy. No such luck. At least not on the trip home.
On Monday she had a trip visit with her therapist and they talked about a plan. On Tuesday she stayed home from school with me and we devised a plan, and went through a lot of therapy together about what she wants, and what it will take to get there, and so forth. I hope this really helps and is not just a temporary fix. This has happened before and has only been a short time thing before it's back to normal. I know it will take time, but I truly hope and pray that this new therapy will help her and the medications as well. I love her so much and I want her to be as healthy and happy as possible. Yesterday she had another episode. She took a razor to school and cut, and got caught. OF course she denied it even to me, and even when the evidence, other than the razor was right in front of her. They sent her home for the day. She spent it trying to work out how she could make up with the three friends who reported her, and she said were liars, and also how to secretly get a lip piercing. I don't want to give up, and think that the temporary fix is over.... but...
Anyway..... Keep us in your prayers because we really need, and she especially does. The next steps are to kick her out, and I really don't want to do that. REALLY REALLY!
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